


(Father) Figures

by patwrites



Category: Avengers: Infinity War - Fandom, Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017)
Genre: Angst, Gen, Hurt No Comfort, I may jump from idea to idea sometimes, Tony is not replacing ben, or may, sorry for that
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-31
Updated: 2018-08-31
Packaged: 2019-07-05 03:20:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15855171
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/patwrites/pseuds/patwrites
Summary: Alternate Title: "Tribute to Peter Parker"A brief history of one Peter Benjamin Parker's life, particularly his relationships with father figures (with obvious cameos from May throughout).





	(Father) Figures

When he was little, Peter didn't really feel his father's absence. The man hadn't really spent enough time with Peter for him to feel something missing when his parents went away and never came back, and soon the vague image of his father's face disappeared completely from memory like it had never existed in the first place. If not for the very few pictures lying around the house and the dozens of articles on his parents' work, Peter wouldn't know what they looked like today.

But that was never a problem. He had uncle Ben growing up, a steady father figure to guide him through childhood and his early teenage years. The first (and only) time Peter called him 'dad' he was met with a surprised look and then a gentle but firm talk from his uncle. Ben was always uncle Ben from then on.

Peter couldn't say that having Ben as a father figure ever since he could remember was all rainbows and glitter. Ben tended to be less patient than May, often growing angry with Peter's antics. He'd never hit him or yelled at him, instead opting to storm out and leave May to deal with him on the good days, or giving Peter a time out until he could calm down when May was off to work.

Sometimes it felt impossible to talk to him, so Peter mostly confided in May or bottled up his emotions and thoughts then let it all out in little science projects and tinkering with toys and old pieces of technology lying around the house. It wasn't until Peter started middle school that Ben noticed the kid's apprehension and worked to rectify it — from then on Pizza Saturdays became tradition. Peter talked with his uncle a lot more.

By the time Peter hit 14, he and his uncle had become almost inseparable. The teen couldn't even remember a time when things had been not so good between the two of them. Sometimes he worried May felt left out, especially since he more often than not came to his uncle first, then her.

It was on one of their weekly pizza outings that Ben uttered the words Peter would live his life by later on: "With great power comes great responsibility, Peter. Always remember this." He still can't remember the context of those words, but ever since they rang powerfully in Peter's mind.

Having Ben bleed out in his arms a few weeks after turning that cursed age was the shock of his life. He couldn't think straight, — his mind screamed at him to do something, to save Ben but it was too late, he was already dying and he didn't do anything to stop it, he should've done something dammit — he couldn't see clearly, — red, so much red, too much — and his throat was raw from screaming for help for such a long time and at such a high volume.

Peter didn't sleep for three days straight after the incident because everywhere he turned he could still hear the gunshot and see his uncle falling to the ground, blood seeping out of his wound and onto Peter's hands, staining them forever — Ben's blood was on his hands, he was to blame because he was the weak one, the helpless little kid who stood by and watched his uncle die. Peter eventually passed out from exhaustion on the fourth day, but his dreams were plagued with gunshot wounds and screamed apologies.

After that, it was just Peter and May. The small apartment suddenly felt too large, not enough chatter between the two of them to fill it. Despite that, there were days when Peter felt suffocated by his home, and resorted to leaving the house and wandering the neighborhood aimlessly until he felt less jittery. He was a few months older when that spider bit him and forever changed his life — though it would be a few more days until he realized that.

When Ben died, Peter had expected to get closer to May again, since she was his last family remaining, but the bite changed that. Peter felt guilty lying to his aunt like that, hiding from her, endangering his own life, especially since he knew how much she worried. But he would have felt even guiltier if he had lived his life as if nothing had changed, as if _he_ had not changed, while all this bad stuff happened around him.

On that regular day of late March Spider Man was born, and Peter Parker made the conscious decision to shield his aunt by keeping things to himself.

Almost a year passed like that, with Peter going to school, hanging out with Ned like usual, doing his homework and taking part in extracurricular activities during the day, and swinging out in the old, patched onesie May bought him on his 14th birthday with the self made things he proudly called web shooters, stopping petty crime (and on one memorable day a bus) and helping old ladies around during the night — and the day on the weekends. With May working longer and longer hours to pay the bills and put food on the table, too busy to pay attention to Peter's erratic schedule and steadily dropping grades, — it was hard to focus on his chem exam when the night before he had missed getting shot by a millimeter of a millimeter — it wasn't hard for Peter to hide his more special extracurriculars from her. Besides, he thought he was being pretty sneaky anyway.

Until he got home from school to _the_ Tony Stark sitting on his couch, flirting with his aunt, in his apartment.

For a few days after the Germany fiasco Peter thought he'd hallucinated the entire thing until he found the super cool suit Mr. Stark had given him waiting for him in a paper bag on his bed.

If Peter didn't feel his father's absence in his life growing up, he was acutely aware of Ben's. The first anniversary of his uncle's death was hard on the teenager, maybe even harder than the day he died. In a way, Peter mused, a small part of him died with Ben that day, too.

He knew he should have been there for May when the anniversary rolled around, but then more than ever he could barely stand the sight of the apartment. He had to get away and be alone for a while. When he came back May was passed out on the couch in front of the television with a half finished bottle of wine on the table and a spilled bowl of popcorn in her lap. The tear tracks were still visible on her pale cheeks. That was the first time Peter noticed the very dark bags under his aunt's eyes, and he felt guiltier than ever for putting her through so many extra hours just to feed and school him.

That was also the first time Peter felt like a burden.

Happy not replying to any of his texts didn't help matters. With every unanswered text Peter felt even more ridiculous and annoying, but he couldn't just wait around for Mr. Stark to call on him — he had to know Peter was willing and ready to fight whenever he was needed.

Then later on he felt completely useless for the second time in his life, when the suit got taken away from him because of his recklessness and irresponsibility, and a building was falling on him, threatening to erase him from existence just like that. Peter had a second to blame Mr. Stark for it — if he hadn't taken Peter's suit he wouldn't have been in that situation in the first place, right? — before he berated himself and felt even worse.

All in all, he got out of that situation a better person, having learned a lot — and if he sometimes woke up with half screamed sobs trapped in his throat, tears spilled all over his cheeks in rivers, then that was his business and his business alone — and having gained something infinitely more valuable out of it: Mr. Stark's friendship.

At first it started as monthly visits to check on the suit and make small upgrades or bug fixes on it, which turned to bimonthly visits, then weekly ones, which in turn started occurring every other day whenever both of their schedules allowed it. Peter got to learn a lot from Mr. Stark engineering wise, and also in the superheroing area too, but that wasn't all they did when they hung out together. They went for ice cream at least once a week to that one place that sold actual, authentic gelato like Mr. Stark used to get with his mother when he was a kid, had pizza at Peter's favourite place in Queens every two weeks or so, and sometimes went on impromptu trips abroad with his mentor when the man felt like showing Peter the world — only instead of a magic carpet, Mr. Stark had a private jet or a high tech titanium suit of armor.

When Ben died, Peter had never expected the ache in his chest to ever lessen or go away, never expected to go on a day without missing his uncle as if he were missing his own heart or a limb, but the more time he spent in Mr. Stark's company, the less time he spent thinking about his uncle's absence. Somewhere along the way Mr. Stark had become more than a mentor, a friend, an adult in his life — he had become a second father figure.

At first Peter felt like he was betraying Ben by thinking of Mr. Stark like that, after only two years of his death no less. But he breached the subject to May — who had time to get used to the whole superheroing gig and be less angry at Mr. Stark — and she put his worries to rest. It was good having his aunt there to talk to again.

Of course, Peter never said anything to Mr. Stark about it, afraid to voice his thoughts for fear of rejection. Although, sometimes the way the man called him "kid" was a little too fond, he ruffled his curls a little too affectionately, and his whispered "love you, kid, I'm proud of you"s were a little too loud. But it was okay, Peter wasn't that good with emotions either.

And because of that, when he felt himself starting to slowly fade away from existence, — literally — Peter could do nothing more than cling to Mr. Stark's arms, begging not to go, not yet, he still had so much left to do, so much left to tell May and Ned and Mr. Stark. He weakly tried to pat the man's hair in reassurance but his hand turned to dust before he could, and in his desperation to offer comfort, any comfort at all, he simply said "I'm sorry" and hoped it was enough to soothe a troubled soul, a heart too big and a mind too broken.

Peter didn't die peacefully. He died fighting, clinging and holding onto life with all his might, trying to offer comfort in his last moments instead of it being the other way round. He only hoped May wouldn't blame Mr. Stark for his death, God knew the man would surely do it enough for the both of them.

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this in one go, gave it one proof read then posted it. I may jump from idea to idea sometimes but I'm too tired rn to think of ways to fix it. So here you have it.
> 
> Kudos and comments are appreciated! You can find me on tumblr @armoredavengers too!


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